Balancing Empathy, Compassion & Accountability

Updated February 9, 2019

It’s apparent from my last 3 posts in this series that empathy and compassionate are instrumental in the formation, as well as the maintenance, of healthy social interactions. Friendships, romantic partnerships, vocational teams, family relations and even societies all benefit from incorporating these concepts into their guiding beliefs. However, there truly is a balance between these factors that must be reached in order to avoid negative outcomes such as avoidance, manipulation, apathy and poor performance. Such responses indicate a lack of accountability or responsibility to one’s obligations. Keep reading to understand the relationship between empathy and compassion versus accountability so that you may better manage the dynamics between them.

Pros of Empathy and Compassion on Accountability

Empathy is the ability to understand another’s feelings or point of view, and it leads to compassion, which is the necessary factor toward acting on these feelings in order to make an impact. Nearly all relationships benefit from the presence of these affirming characteristics. Demonstrating care for others increases opportunities for real connection. It gives permission to be authentic and to take more risks. Showing people that you are understanding of their situation and moved by their plight elicits positive responses in them such as increased self-worth, cooperation, trust, effort and loyalty. All of these assets contribute to accountability. People want to meet the expectations of those they value.

Cons of Empathy and Compassion on Accountability

Empathy and compassion can have their perils with regard to their impact on accountability. They can also be negative to your own health and personal well-being if these factors aren’t balanced with holding others accountable for themselves. Putting yourself in another’s shoes requires emotional energy. Unfortunately, these types of reserves aren’t limitless. When you exhaust yourself by using them too freely in one area of your life, other important relationships can suffer. In addition, when a tipping point in this level of exhaustion is reached, results like burnout, breakups and abuse are more likely to occur. Empathy and compassion for other also have the potential to encourage ethical dilemmas. It’s human nature to show loyalty toward someone with whom you have a rapport. Feelings of connection can lead you to take on the problems of someone else as your own, allowing your judgment to be clouded or poor decisions to be made.

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Ways to Achieve Balance

Striking a balance between being caring and letting yourself become a pushover may seem complex. While it can be tricky, there are some proactive ways you can increase your chances of striking this delicate balance. As with other aspects within relationships, communication is key here. Talking about your expectations and your boundaries early on and throughout your interactions can ensure that the other party knows where you stand. They’re less willing to push your limits of kindness when they know the ramifications of doing so and just what you won’t tolerate. Be sure to refer back to prior discussions to remind them of their own agreements. This brings the subject of accountability to the forefront and holds them to the standards of which they were already aware. You also want to consider the future of your interactions if you allow someone to avoid being accountable. Think about the ways in which it could snowball or become worse for you and your relationship if you don’t take timely steps to eliminate the transgression. You aren’t being compassionate in the long run if you are enabling poor behavior. Don’t forget the consequences allowing this person to slide can have on others. In these cases, it can be easier to demand accountability over your own desire to express empathy and compassion.

Now that you have an understanding of the ways in which placing too much emphasis on the condition of others can have on their desire to maintain responsibility for their own actions, it may be easier to navigate the kinds of complexities that can arise due to these dynamics.

Call to Action:  What boundaries can you enforce while showing empathy and concern for those within your close circle without fear of being manipulated or deceived?

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